Traci’s Thoughts on Marriage

Markell did an awesome post about marriage, so I decided I wanted to share my thoughts, too.

I want to share a story from my college time and a guy I *thought* I was in love with {and wasn’t} We’ll call him Mr. A.

So this Mr. A. We dated a summer and I fell HARD for this kid.

I know, I know, I am a silly girl. I was 19 at the time. So this guy, he liked me too, but quickly decided he wasn’t ready for any sort of commitment. He broke my heart.

I felt like someone had died, kind-of-a- broke my heart.

Has anyone else been through that?

I went home for the Fall to earn some money and was super depressed and down and could not get over this guy. So I moved Nevada to work for a bit and get off on my own to figure myself out. I had a REALLY hard time getting over this guy, and I could not figure out why the heck I couldn’t just let this guy go and move on. Anyone else been there? I finally realized that I needed to turn to my Savior Jesus Christ and let Him take over, and teach me what I needed to learn from this trial. I realized that I was putting Mr. A as my center. Basically, I was using him as the only thing I thought could make me happy in this life. And I realized that I was doing that in life in general. I thought the only way I would be happy was if I got married, then that person would make me happy and everything would be okay.

HUGE mistake. I am SO glad that I learned this concept before I got married. I was able to visit with a Bishop in my ward at school {A Bishop is basically the leader of our church ward that we can talk to and counsel with} He helped explain to me that we should never put anything or anyone as our center. People will always let us down. Always. Even those we love. Not on purpose always, but there is no way for anyone to know continually what will make us happy, and besides that, everyone is human, and makes mistakes. We cannot put our whole happiness dependent on one person. How hard is that to live up to? If one person is our only source of happiness, that can wear THEM down very quickly.

The only person we can put our entire faith, happiness, and center on is our Savior Jesus Christ.

Here is a quote I absolutely LOVE…

{You can download the free printable here. It is a 5×7 size. Enjoy!}

He will never let us down. He knows what will help us to be happy in our lives, and how to comfort us, and guide us in a direction that will help us to find happiness and joy. True happiness and joy.

I am not saying that other people can’t bring joy to our lives or help us to be happy, but they should NOT be our only source and who we rely on most.

 Fall 2007 I learned a very important lesson, something that I wish everyone could understand before they get married. Jesus Christ as our center.

I returned to school in January 2008 and decided that I needed to focus on school and not be so boy crazy. I decided I wasn’t going to get married for a loooooong time, and I did NOT want to go through another break up. So I moved into an apartment that wasn’t super social and I kept busy.

Then I met this Guy… Tall, Dark, and Handsome, and the kindest person I had ever met. We met at church and decided to go running together and get ice cream. Man of my dreams. Better than that actually, more amazing that I could have ever wished for myself to find. How could I possibly miss this opportunity? I was a bit more hesitant, but knew I had found the person I would get to be with for ever and ever He didn’t break my heart, and we were able to get married that December 2008 in the Idaho Falls Temple. We have been married for 5 years {in December} and have loved every minute together. {And I have to add, that I am ever so grateful it never worked out with before mentioned guy. Heavenly Father knows who we would be happiest with, and helps us and guides us to that person, Heavenly Father knew there was someone better for me out there, and was preparing me to be the type of person that was right for my future husband, too.}

Sometimes, I still fall into the trap where I try to put my husband as my center and rely solely on him for my happiness. When I do that, I feel a huge drag in our relationship. And I quickly turn back to my Savior. I know as a couple when we are both focused on our Savior and then each other, everything goes the most smoothly. When we were married in the temple we made promises to each other, but we also made promises to our Heavenly Father and Savoir Jesus Christ about our marriage and our relationship. I think that is something that helps us stay strong as a couple – that we have our Heavenly Father and Savior to turn to for help and understanding in our relationship.

When we are working with our Heavenly Father and Savior in our relationship, we learn to put our spouse before ourselves, and to serve them with all of our might. And I KNOW that when we are able to pray for help from our Heavenly Father and Savior, we have the best help available. We are not bad mouthing our spouse to our parents, in laws or friends. We are not going to those same sources for guidance in a relationship they are not a part of. We are going to our Savior and our Heavenly Father, who have been in our relationship from day one. From the day we got married, we made promises to our Heavenly Father and Savior and they help us with our struggles and misunderstandings. Whenever we have a disagreement, we as a couple try to step back and think about the situation and pray, before we come back and talk again.

We step back, go to another room, say a prayer and really think and contemplate and allow the Holy Ghost, the spirit in which our Heavenly Father and Savior communicate with us, to speak to us, and help us discuss and figure out how to resolve our argument.

I am so grateful to have a loving Heavenly Father, and a loving Savior to turn to and keep as my center to make me happy. I am so grateful that my husband, Scott, and I are able to turn to Them when we are confused by each other and all of our silly weaknesses.

I know that if you keep our Savior Jesus Christ as your Center in your life, you will be happy. Not that you will not have hard times, but that you will have the ONE person who can help you through and who understands anything and everything you have been through. Christ has suffered for us, for YOU specifically, and KNOWS how to comfort and guide you through those hard times. I know that my Savior has been there for me multiple times through hard things, and that HE was the only person who knew what I needed most at that time. I am So thankful for my Heavenly Father and Savior, and for guiding me to find my Prince Charming and for continually helping us in our relationship as two imperfect people. I know the only way that we will get to be together forever is if we keep our eyes focused on our Savior.

Love,

Traci