Im writing this with tears in my eyes in hopes that it will help me to begin to heal. 

I’m not sure that I’m going to publish it, but if you’re reading it, I guess I did. 

It’s not a secret that writing helps me. I’ve written hundreds of blog posts and I’m known for my long Facebook posts about my insecurities. I’m hoping this post helps me do the same. 

When I got married almost nine years ago, I made promises. I promised that it would be forever. I promised that I would do anything I could to make that marriage a good one. And I believe strongly that I have done that. 

I’m not going to go into detail with all the things I feel I have done over the years, but I know in my heart that I have given it almost everything I have. 

But sometimes that’s not enough. 

A few times during our marriage, my husband has expressed to me how hard marriage is for him. Like all of us, he isn’t a fan of responsibility, or the restrictions that come with marriage. But we promised each other forever, so I assumed we would just figure it out and it would get better with time. 

It turns out I was wrong. 

In February of this year, my husband and I separated. He moved out of our fifth wheel that we had moved in to for him to go back to school and into his office at work. I didn’t tell anybody for a week, hoping he would just come home. But he didn’t.  I cried silently, with the exception of my sister in law, nobody knew. I’d never felt more alone. But, that part was on me. I have lots of friends and family I could have reached out to, but I didn’t want others to know my pain, or my shame. 

Weeks turned into months, and his office turned into his own apartment. 

The hurt and sadness grew inside of me. I felt (feel) so inadequate. And I know what you’re thinking. I’ve heard it over and over again, it’s not my fault. And I get that, I really do. But that doesn’t take the sting away. That doesn’t help. 

When the school year ended, I took the kids and moved eight hours away to my parent’s home. My husband stayed in the apartment, still working on his degree. The sting of this move was amplifed by the fact that I had lost a baby just a few months before the separation happened, and this summer was supposed to be spent with that new baby. 

Clearly, life doesn’t work out how we plan. 

I’m writing this because I want to be real. I want to be transparent. I want someone else who is struggling with this or who will struggle with this in the future to be able to reach out to me for help. Because every single trial I’ve been to up until this point has allowed me to help others, and I know this one will be no different. 

I’ve been at my parent’s house now for two weeks and things have gotten worse. When I was in the same town as my husband, I’d hear lots of hopeful words from him. Lots of things that made me think that everything was going to be okay.  Now those words are few and far between. Hope seems about gone. 

And the truth is that if somebody wants to fix a marriage, it doesn’t take them six months to decide they want to fix it. 

During our separation, our youngest daughter was in a bicycle accident and was life flighted to Spokane. Thank goodness she was okay, but I thought for sure that situation would help him see what he was losing. It didn’t. 

We had a few other experiences, including our fifth wheel that we had lived in for the previous 3 years burning down, that I thought would definitely help him see what he was missing. But it never did. 

*note* while the fifth wheel fire resulted in a total loss, we were not hurt and most of our stuff was out, so I am very grateful for that  

Now that I’ve been here for two weeks, more and more information has been sent my way. Some of it is rumors, some of it truth. All of it seems to be more and more evidence that our marriage is over. 

It hurts not being in control. It hurts to have your dreams taken away from you. What hurts the most is when your babies ask where daddy is, why he’s not here, and if they’re half orphans now. 

It hurts spending nine years with somebody to find out that it can be so easily thrown away. And what hurts the very most is the fact that I still want to fix things, even after all this time. 

I feel pathetic. I feel like a loser. I know what I would say to you if you were saying these things to me. He doesn’t deserve us. We don’t deserve his treatment. I know these things in my head. I know I’m not a loser, and I know that my worth isn’t dependent on him.  But my heart just isn’t there yet.  

I don’t want to talk bad about him. He’s given me three beautiful children, and while I think his actions are 100% his own, I do think he’s being tempted extremely well by the adversary. The devil’s main plan is to destroy families, and with mine at least, he’s succeeding. 

I hope that in a few months, I’m able to write a blog post about surviving a divorce without losing yourself, or better yet, I’m able to write a post about how my marriage was saved when I thought all hope was gone. I’m holding out hope that it’s the second. But if it’s not the second, I know it will be the first. Because I can do all things through Christ. I’ve got a 100% survival rate up to this point in life, and this trial isn’t going to kill me either. 

I know the first thing people want to know is how they can help. I get that. But there’s really nothing you can do. I’m okay. The kids are okay. If you have a few prayers you can spare, and some love you can give, that’s all we really need. Please love us through this. Me, the kids, and especially him. Because he needs it most of all. 

The post The beginning of healing. appeared first on A Mouse In My Kitchen.

I know. New Year’s Resolutions are so cliché and everyone hates them.

Well. I don’t.

Here’s the thing. I make goals all year. Every month I write down goals, and I work hard to achieve them. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t.

But I LOVE the energy around January’s goals. I love the fresh start. I love the emphasis on gyms and businesses and healthy and new. I love when people BETTER themselves. What the heck is wrong with someone wanting to better themselves, EVEN IF THEY ONLY DO IT FOR A  WEEK. That’s way better than nothing right? And guess what. The more times you make the same goal, the more likely you are to actually REACH it.

So make those goals! I don’t care if you’ve made the same one for the last five years. THIS YEAR IS YOUR YEAR.

And this year is MY year. I mean, last year was my  year too. And I’ll make next year my year as well. Because, well, I can. <<PS so can you>>

I’ve written about seven different lists to figure out what goals I REALLY want to work on this year. I figure if the same goal shows up over and over again, it’s one I want to work on. And I know that making my goals public will help me stay accountable.

SO here are my goals for this year!

– Read the entire standard works. I’ve never actually read the Bible cover to cover <shhhhh> but I plan on changing that this year. I started with the Book Of Mormon, and I plan on finishing it this month. I found a schedule for the Old and New Testament in 90 days and I think it looks very doable, so I plan on doing that next. Then it’ll just be the D&C and the Pearl of Great Price. I mean, if I can watch an entire Gilmore Girl’s season in a week, I can do this, and I think it’s going to make a HUGE difference in my year.

– Read a book about marriage every month. This month, I’m reading one called First Kill All The Marriage Counselors by Laura Doyle. I’m about half way through and really enjoying it. I plan on reading The Love Dare next. The rest of the year is still open, so if you have suggestions, drop a comment!

– Increase my at home income to $4000/month. This is my big. scary. goal. I’m currently around half of that at the moment, but I know I can do this. I also want to simplify my income streams at the same time. I’m currently taking any work I can get from multiple sources. I want to focus on a few (especially Beachbody coaching and being a virtual assistant) and build those streams up enough to reach this income goal. This goal has many goals inside of it, but this is the main goal as far as my business goes.

– More outdoor time. Especially this summer. Camping and swimming and hiking and enjoying.

– Pay off our car. We have $6000 left on it, but I want to get that debt gone this year. Also pay off credit cards, but they’re pretty low, so we should be able to do that quickly.

– Spend time learning how to code. I started this last year and I really enjoyed it. I want to spend just an hour a two a week on different tutorials and such so I can get better at building my own website and helping others.

– Homeschool both of my older kids next year. We go back and forth about the school situation but I think we’ve decided that next year will be another at home year, and I’m really excited about it.

– Lose 30 pounds. Because Christmas just destroyed my progress. But I’ll get it back!

– Finish Gilmore Girls. Because I’m on season 5 and I ain’t no quitter.

What are your goals for this next year? I’d love to hear about them!   

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I used to read like crazy when I was in school. Everything and anything I could get my hands on. Once I got married and had kids, I kind of lost time to do that. And I missed it! 

About two years ago I was having some doubts about my motherhood, myself, my ability to do the things in life that I wanted to do. Someone suggested that I start listening to books on Audible that would help my mind get into a better place. I started listening when I was cleaning or driving or any time I happened to find a few minutes to myself. I don’t feel like I retain quite as much as when I actually read a book, but it’s better than nothing. 

I listen to books on Audible. Audible is an Amazon company of audio books. I pay for a monthly subscription that gives me a book each month and a discount on any books I buy during the month. There are a couple different subscription options. I currently have the Gold Subscription, which gives me 1 free book each month. You can cancel the subscription and keep the books. If you haven’t tried Audible before, you can use this link and get a free first month with 2 free books. 

One thing I really love about Audible is the fact that if you don’t like a book, even if you’ve read the whole thing, you can return it, no questions asked. You will be refunded your credit or the cost you paid for the book when you do. My Audible subscription has been one of the best ways I’ve spent my money over the last two years. 

During those two years, I’ve read 50 books. Many of them have really changed my life. I wanted to share ten of my favorites that I think are so great for women, but specifically for moms. 

1. You Are A Badass by Jen Sinchero. Disclaimer: As you can probably tell by the title, the language is strong in this book. But if you need a boost of confidence, this is a great one. 
2. Loving What Is by Byron Katie. This one is actually somewhat similar to You Are A Badass, in fact, Jen Sinchero references this book a few times in her book. The language is much better in this one. I do recommend listening to this book over reading it because it has dialogue that is just easier to listen to than read. 
3. I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t) by Brene Brown. Honestly, ANYTHING by Brene Brown could be on this list, but this one was one of my favorites. It really helped me see that the things I struggle with aren’t unique to me, and that I have the tools I need to improve my life. 
4. How To Raise An Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims. This book is all about how to stop over parenting your children and let them grow up to be adults that know how to take care of themselves and know how to handle real life issues.  This is probably one of my favorite parenting books.
5. The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. If you need an energy shift, this is your book. It really helped me see things in a different light and have a more positive outlook on life. 
6. Grit by Angela Duckworth. If you have a dream you’re working on achieving, or feel like you give up on everything you ever try, this is the book you want. This book helps you see that success isn’t about talent, but about the ability to stick with things and figure them out, even when they get hard. 
7. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This book changed my marriage and changed the way that I interact with my children. It helped me understand relationship with everyone significant in my life. Even if you’re not in a relationship, I highly recommend this book. 
8. The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. Most people have heard about this book. If you haven’t read it, you should. Even if you’re not interested in a minimalist life, I still recommend it. This book is about only having things in your life that bring you joy. When I embraced the teachings of this book, my life got much simpler and I learned not to be consumed by “stuff”. 
9. Eat That Frog by Brian Tracy. This is a really quick book about time management. As a mom, I feel like I NEVER have enough time. This book gave me a few little tweaks that I was able to make to my routine that helps me be more efficient. 
10. Parenting Without Power Struggles by Susie Stiffelman. This one is another great parenting book. It helped me find little ways to help my stubborn child. It helped me understand her better and have more patience with her struggles. 

Of the 50 books I listened to in the past 2 years, those are the top ten that I would recommend to anyone, but especially to women, and more especially to moms. 

Do you have any books that you would add to the list? I’d love to hear them! Leave me a comment and let me know what your favorites are. 

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When we decided to move into a fifth wheel, the shopping process was a little overwhelming at first. There are SO many options. Do we go new? Used? Do we even need a fifth wheel or will a travel trailer work better? What features do we HAVE to have? How much money should we spend? Are we crazy??? 

Seriously, so many things went through our heads at the same time. 

Now that we’re six months away from that buying process, I have to say that I think I have a little more clarity about how I would do things if we were going to do it again. 

Here are a few tips I have for anyone looking to buy a fifth wheel, especially for full time living. 

1. Go look around. If you can go to an RV show, do it. Don’t go with ANY expectations. Just go and start looking at what’s available. You’ll get a feel for what dealers you want to work with as well. Some will make sure you know that if you’re not ready to buy, you’re not important to them. STAY AWAY FROM THOSE GUYS. 
2. Decided what your nonnegotiables are. What things do you KNOW you can’t live without. What things are you hoping to have? For us, it was dedicated sleeping spaces for each kid. I did NOT want to be making up a table every night. It was also really important that it was well insulated, so we only looked at models with an Arctic package. 
3. Decide what you absolutely don’t want. What things aren’t important to you? For instance, I did NOT want a fifth wheel with a bathroom right IN the bedroom. I don’t know why but that was something I was not okay with. My husband wanted as few slides as possible, because slides can fail and he wanted less points of weakness. 
4. Decide what your budget is. One thing I would probably do differently here is look at models that were under budget as much as possible, and not at the top end of our budget. We weren’t really 100% sure on what our budget should be, and we were pushed into looking at some that were way out of our range. Thankfully the rig we ended up with was in our price range. 
5. We decided to buy new. I’m not 100% sure that I would do this again, but we wanted the peace of mind that comes with the manufactures warranty. 
6. Do research on the manufacture. Look up forums and find out what kinds of problems people have had with that manufacture. Do they pay out on their warranty work (some companies are known for not paying for work that should be covered). Do they have tons of recalls? We actually called up the manufacture of our rig before hand and asked them a few questions. They were very helpful. 
7. Once you find the model you want, shop around. We found ours at a local place, for a decent deal. But when I did some searching, we found that exact same model at another dealer just an hour away from us. That dealer happened to be discontinuing this particular model, so we got it quite a bit cheaper AND the sales tax was less in that area. 
8. Be prepared to say NO. The dealer tried to upsell us on quite a few different things. Just keeping singing that no key. We didn’t want slide covers or little vent things to go over the top. We didn’t want any of that. 
9. Be prepared to walk away. I PROMISE there are other rigs that will work if the dealer isn’t giving you the dealer you want. Remember that THEY want to sell the trailer more than you want to buy it. So if it’s not working out, be patient, and walk away. On one that we walked away from, the dealer called us three or four times trying to get us to buy it at a better deal, but we had moved on at that point. Don’t forget that you’re in control. You’re the one who chooses if you buy it or not. 
10. Don’t tell them you’re going to live in it full time. Some places won’t finance or even sell you a fifth wheel if they know that. So keep that information to yourself. 

Enjoy the buying process! And if you’re wondering, we ended up with a Dutchman Denali 280 LBS and we are so in love. It’s been perfect for my husband and I and our three kids. 

This is the floor plan: 

It has a loft where my son sleeps, and a bunk house with two beds for my girls. So everyone has their own sleeping space. It has just two slide outs (the kitchen and the closet in the bedroom) so my husband got what he wanted with the minimal slide outs. We honestly could do without the outside kitchen, but it is fun to use once in awhile. We’re thinking about converting it into some kind of storage, but for now, we’ll leave the kitchen as is. 

I’d love to hear about your experience shopping for a fifth wheel or travel trailer! Leave me a comment and let me know how it went! 

The post Things To Think About When Buying A Fifth Wheel appeared first on A Mouse In My Kitchen.

Do you have an Instant Pot yet?? 

Instant Pots are electric pressure cookers. These aren’t your mamas pressure cookers. They have all sorts of safety features and they make cooking so easy. I use mine almost every night. Some things are faster, some things are just easier. 

And some things, like dessert, are just delicious. 

To make most desserts, you need an oven safe pan to put inside the pot that came with your Instant Pot. This is the one I have and I love it. Click on the picture to be taken to the Amazon listing.  

7 inches is the biggest that will fit in a 5 or 6 quart Instant Pot

I had no idea that you even COULD make dessert in this pot, and I feel like it opened up a whole new world when I discovered this magic. The first dessert I made was Oreo Cheesecake and oh. my. goodness, it was delicious. 

Here are a list of 15 different desserts you can make in this pot of goodness. 

Pineapple Upside Down Cake. Doesn’t this just scream Christmas Morning? Is that weird? My family always had these on Christmas morning.

Oreo Cheesecake. To. Die. For. people. Turns out my husband doesn’t like cheesecake. I may have eaten this for dinner for a week. And I still dream about it. 

Molten Chocolate Mini Lava Cake. This looks ah-mazing. 

Instant Pot Bread Pudding. Mmmmmm.

Pressure Cooker Key Lime Pie. This is the real deal, people.

Pressure Cooker Pumpkin Pie

Instant Pot Cocoa Apple Bundt Cake

Instant Pot Pumpkin Cheesecake Bread

Pressure Cooker Easy Creme Brulee

Instant Pot Salted Caramel Cheesecake

Pressure Cooker Peach Cobbler 

Instant Pot Spiced Apple Cider

And for our gluten free friends, Gluten Free Instant Pot Cheesecake

Instant Pot Apple Crisp

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