Let’s Be Real

Posted on May 23 2013 - 11:27pm by Markell

One thing that really bugs me about a lot of blogs is the fact that they are perfect. They have perfect designs, perfect posts, perfect advice, and perfectly posed pictures. I realize that no one wants to air their dirty laundry for the world to see, and no one wants to read about how not to be a good parent or how not to potty train your child. At least that’s what authors think. But I got to thinking. That’s the kind of things people relate to. Because right now, after day two of potty training my child, what I want to read about is not how everyone else was able to potty train their children in three hours flat with no signs of accidents, but how other people struggled like I am. How other people went two days with only two and a half successful toilet trips and at least three times that many accidents but how they stuck with it and eventually, their child was out of diapers. What I want to read about is the mother who didn’t clean their house that day, didn’t stick to a routine, forgot to help their kids brush their teeth, and was grateful that their children made it through the day without driving her (completely) crazy. 

What I want to read about is how a mother took her two children to the grocery store by herself to three different grocery stores to buy hot dog buns, loads both children into cart after cart only to find out that the first grocery store was out, the second wasn’t accepting card machines, and the third never carried them to begin with. 

I don’t want to hear about how when I stopped nursing my child before she was four, I was denying her the most important nutrients she could ever get, or how by not cloth diapering I am destroying the world. Don’t get me wrong, you cloth diapering mothers are awesome. Power to ya. 

I don’t want to see how your food is perfectly placed on your plate with the perfect lighting. I want to hear about how you burned it three times before it came out sort of okay. I want to know about that time your husband picked up an egg straight out of the carton and cracked it right back into the carton (seriously, that happened this morning). I want to hear about that time when you were pregnant and you put the milk in the cupboard and the cereal in the fridge (I may have done that.. once). 

I want to know the real you. I want to feel like I am not a failure because I don’t do crafts with my kids on a regular basis, and my two year old still only counts to the letter two (yes, I know two is a number. He doesn’t.) I can’t relate to posts about how perfect things turned out during your beautifully themed two year old birthday party. The cake I made for my son didn’t even make it to him in one piece, thanks to a super cute little cousin who decided to take a handful for herself. 

I want my readers to know that I am not perfect. My house is almost never clean, my kids often watch too much TV, and most days they don’t get much fruit. I realized today how well I can ignore them. I was cutting up potatoes for a potato salad with one kid hanging on one leg and the other crying at my feet, and I was actually getting in some pretty good brain storming. Does that make me a bad mom? Or does that make me just like everyone else? 

I appreciate the words of others when they talk about the “right” way to do things. But sometimes, I want things to be real. I want to know that other people make mistakes, that I’m not the only one. So, to all my readers, I want you to know: I make mistakes. You are not the only one. Keep on keeping on, and I’ll do the same. 

By the way, if you need motivation to be an awesome mamma, read this post. It’s one of my favorites. 

Leave a comment and tell me how you are real. What mistakes do you make? How are you not perfect? If you’ve written a post about how you’re a normal person who makes mistakes, leave me a link, I’d love to read it. 

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23 Comments so far. Feel free to join this conversation.

  1. Hailey May 24, 2013 at 5:32 am - Reply

    I completely know what you mean! I am getting ready to write a potty training post, he is pretty much done at 22 months. With that being said, it's been 4 weeks of naked boy junk and countless accidents, at least 4 pairs of underwear thrown away but we kept at it. I will mention that time he peed on the floor in JC Penny, then successfully finished in the toilet (his first successful public potty use). But it will be centered around what worked for us in case there is any chance it would help someone. I know what you mean about wanting to read the real stuff, but if I'm honest I think I prefer the silver lining in posts. I struggle all the time with loss of my son, it's constant, but I try to keep myself focused on the good so I don't fall back into being angry all the time. Please don't think that I am saying anyone who writes a post about struggling is angry, just for me, it's the emotion I deal with. I am working on a hard post now for July and it's going to be the most real post I have ever written.

    • amouseinmykitchen May 24, 2013 at 3:06 pm - Reply

      wow. congrats on getting him potty trained so young, even if it took awhile. I'm taking a break for a few days. I'd really like him out of diapers so I only have one in diapers, but in July we're moving to a house that has all hardwood floors so I think it may be easier to do the potty training there.

      And I'm so sorry about the loss of your son. I have no idea what that's like, but I'm glad that you are able to find comfort in other people's words. I can't wait to read your post in July, please send me a link to it when it's live (if you remember :))

  2. mom a la mode May 24, 2013 at 5:41 am - Reply

    Well done and well said. I've been thinking more about the very topic and keeping things as "real" as possible on my own blog. I typically snap photos of food items as they appear right on my stovetop or kitchen table, and am totally upfront about the fact that I'm NOT a DIY-er….but am working on stretching myself to try new DIY things to get out of my comfort zone. And here's a fun post about my first time in a spray tanning booth — it doesn't get more real than this: http://momalamode.net/2012/12/09/tales-from-the-s

    Glad to have found your blog via Martinis and Minivans!
    -Lisa of momalamode.net

    • amouseinmykitchen May 24, 2013 at 3:08 pm - Reply

      haha I loved your post about spray tanning. I've been wanting to try it but I've been scared to. It sounds like you had a pretty good experience though. I think it's great that you stretch yourself. That's one of the main reasons I started a blog – to be accountable for my progress in some way.

  3. Kelley May 24, 2013 at 9:16 am - Reply

    Well I'll be! That was a perfect post- you wrote how I feel. Thank you! I, like you, love to read other's mothering blogs, love to learn all the new ideas, and see all the perfect pictures. But unlike the families I love to read about, mine never looks like that. My house is ALWAYS dirty- I live with a husband and three boys- nothing in my house ever stays clean. And I am SO tired of running the vacuum & sweeping- I've started to where shoes around the house so stuff doesn't stick to my bare feet. Sad but true. And don't even get me started with the bathrooms, I realize I am the only one in our house that sits to pee, but come on boys- aim a little better! I work a fulltime job, our oldest boys are in sports, so when the work day is over, the after school activities begin. We often aren't home until after 7pm, and then trying to get a meal on the table, and showers done for an 8pm bedtime is really really hard. Does it make me a terrible mother that my favorite time of day is AFTER the kids have gone to bed? I think I could go on and on here…..but I shouldn't. I should make a list of all the things I want our family to accomplish on the three-day weekend we have, so that my house will actually be presentable when my in-laws come to visit next week. Wish me luck.

    • amouseinmykitchen May 24, 2013 at 3:09 pm - Reply

      Thank you! And I hear you about the house. With two kids two and under, my house is always cluttered. I never knew that there could be so much stuff on the floor that you had to wear shoes all the time, but that's how my house is too. And every time the vacuum comes out, one or both of the kids screams the entire time, so I'm reluctant to pull it out more than I need to. Good job at being an awesome mom though. It sounds like you are doing your best, and that's what matters.

  4. Jeanette May 24, 2013 at 10:37 am - Reply

    You ROCK Markell. I can totally relate to what you are saying. I think the best thing I have learned is that NO ONE, not ONE person is living the life you only see in public. I have stories that would curl your hair – I mean look at mine and you will have an idea : ) A great mom is judged by the love she has for her children and the effort she makes each day to do what is best for them. The wrapping paper is just that – wrapping paper.

    • amouseinmykitchen May 24, 2013 at 3:09 pm - Reply

      Thanks Jeanette! And I'm glad that I get to know why your hair is so curly 🙂

  5. Osh May 24, 2013 at 2:03 pm - Reply

    LOVE this post! I was just discussing the same thing just a week ago. No one is perfect. I appreciate honest to goodness bloggers so much. Im not perfect,as a first time mother I've made plenty of mistakes & I'm sure they'll be many more that I'll make in my life in general. No shame here. Have a wonderful weekend.
    ~ Osh

    Sun-Kissed Peony
    http://0b00.blogspot.com/2013/04/establishing-dai

    • amouseinmykitchen May 24, 2013 at 3:11 pm - Reply

      Isn't it great that we get this chance to learn and grow? I feel like being a mom has given me SO many more opportunities to learn from my mistakes and become a better person. Good job at being an awesome mom. I checked out your post about starting a routine. That has helped my kids, a lot. Once it's implemented, kids really seem to like the comfort of having a routine. Good luck!

  6. Heather Kaluf May 25, 2013 at 6:41 am - Reply

    What a great post! No one is perfect and I love an honest blogger. I am a crafter and I have had sooooo many craft fails, epic ones too. I am know for burning things in the kitchen, or even forgetting to start the main thing for dinner. My Brian goes on thinking about something else when it should be focused on what I am doing in the kitchen. Love this post
    † Heather

    • amouseinmykitchen May 28, 2013 at 2:02 pm - Reply

      Thanks Heather. I think everyone does things like that, but most people are afraid to admit them. I love that you forget to start the main dinner dish.. I do that all the time haha. At least there are excellent sides for everyone to enjoy 🙂

  7. Vonnie May 25, 2013 at 12:02 pm - Reply

    Glad to know you're in the real world. lol
    Days are busy with school, washing laundry, limiting TV time, that it seems like a mess around our place. But I love my time with my family that I wouldn't change anything. Even during the days that I want to pull my hair out! lol Hope you are having a great weekend…..

    • amouseinmykitchen May 28, 2013 at 2:01 pm - Reply

      Thanks Vonnie! Isn't family great? I think sometimes we lose perspective in our lives and start worrying that we're not doing everything we should be doing, but really, as long as we're trying our hardest and the kids are safe, nothing else really matters, right?

  8. Lisa May 26, 2013 at 11:54 am - Reply

    Thanks for this post! I sometimes feel as a stay-at-home mom that I'm a failure if i don't have a clean house, home cooked dinners every night, and lots of enriched play time w/ the kids. Reality: my computer room belongs on "Hoarders," we eat Taco Bell and Chinese takeout at least once a week, and my kids watch way too much "My Little Pony."
    Keep plugging away at the potty training, he may seem to not be getting it, but then there will be a moment when it all just clicks into place.

    • amouseinmykitchen May 28, 2013 at 2:00 pm - Reply

      Thanks for the encouragement! I think we're going to take a break for a few weeks, then try again. I think he's ready, I'm just not ready yet… it's a big commitment.

      I think stay at home moms have a lot of pressure to do it all, because everyone assumes that we stay home and "do nothing" but in reality, it takes a LOT of work to run a household and entertain/keep kids out of trouble all day while keeping your sanity. I'm happy to know that someone else will admit their kids have a tv watching problem 🙂

  9. Aubrey Zaruba May 26, 2013 at 3:59 pm - Reply

    Just look at the pictures in almost all of my posts to know my pictures are far far far from perfect. I like doing a 5 little confessions post every once in a while just to keep things real. I'm with you. No one is perfect, and I for one am far from it.

    • amouseinmykitchen May 28, 2013 at 1:57 pm - Reply

      I like the 5 little confessions post idea… I may have to steal it from you some time.

  10. Jana May 26, 2013 at 7:38 pm - Reply

    A couple of weeks ago, I dropped in on a friend to pick up something – no plans on going inside, but of course, my children bum-rushed the door. (yah. seriously, pushed their way in, dodging hands and feet) And there was a messy house!
    I was so relieved to know that I am not the only one!!!! Someone else who has a cereal box on the counter after 2:30 pm. Suddenly, I don't feel so much like a failure.

    • amouseinmykitchen May 28, 2013 at 1:57 pm - Reply

      It can really help to know that other people are "real", right? I find myself thinking that I am some how insignificant all the time when really, I'm just trying my best just like everyone else!

  11. Stephanie May 29, 2013 at 7:19 pm - Reply

    Real is awesome. And I agree with you – I'd much rather read about a real person than someone who can do it all and still have time to blog. Further, I don't believe any of it. I've lived 36 years on this Earth and have yet to meet one of those people in person. Most have nannies and just don't tell you! And we are potty training a 2 year old here too – my first two were trained at 21 months and 26 months. This one? She is 31 months. Each kid figures it out on their own time, and quite frankly, I don't feel like spending my days fighting with a 2 year old so I let it go. I've never seen a kindergartner in diapers, so I'm not too worried. She will use the potty when she is good and ready. Not when I say so. 😉 And a clean house? I don't even remember what that is anymore. The point to all of this is that you're not alone. We are all real. It's just that some of us are better at admitting to it than others.

    • amouseinmykitchen May 29, 2013 at 9:13 pm - Reply

      I totally agree with you. Isn't it great to know what the important things are though? Most days, I'm happy when I get the kids in bed with full tummys and actually dressed in pajamas. I figure as long as I'm trying my best, I'm doing all I can do. Thanks so much for the encouragement. Good luck on potty training. And good job on getting your first two potty trained so young! I was just talking to my sister in law about this. It's hard work. I think I'm taking a break for a week or two and then we'll hit it hard again.

  12. laney June 10, 2013 at 12:12 pm - Reply

    thanks for that. would love for you to stop by and join my blog hop and share with your friends.

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